stop stealing stuff from movies.
and music.
and tv shows.
and the internet.
and everyone you know.
seriously.
i really hate when i see or hear something and remember you are a loser.
so stop being a fucking loser.
on my dresser, there are a dozen and a half journals. there are more stowed away in the bookcases and boxes. in the back of my current notebook, used for fake college, i have cordoned off a section, scratched “THIS IS PERSONAL” on the manila divider page. and beyond that page, there lies a whole little world of scribbles.
there is so much proof that today doesn’t even exist.
my eyes still being painfully and generally red and deathy, a ridiculous line of offline IMs, phone calls all up and down the night and very little sleep, some more ridiculousness on myspace… school work due. there’s the doom. there is shit due today. if it is thursday, that is. and i am not sure i can bring myself to show my font at school again. or admit that it is thursday. what happened to wednesday?
well. at least i learned something. i’m not allowed to like boys. even if they are sweetheart darlings. who say i’m pretty. and make beer taste good. and are generous, nice, smart, and wonderful with hugs. it’s just time to accept that i am stuck with something else. and that it will never be about me. i just play the crazy like a good girl.
right. so. fake college. sometime before falling into bed surrounded by kids’ toys after sweetheart darling left and walking outside towards the sun and my dad growling “YOU LOOK FUCKED UP”…i wrote and posted my introduction for class. it’s bad. i want to deny that i posted it. apologize…say someone hijacked my shit. but i can’t. so i’m ignoring it instead. and plan on kicking ass with the rest of my writing. it’s the only solution i can think of. maybe my fake classmates will understand that it was good, worth it. and that i’m young. i need to grab fun when i can. even if shit’s due at the same time.
now things go back to real.
so, whenever i start a new class, i go through the roster to confirm that i’m with the same people…because, see, an “introduction” is always the first assignment. which is POINTLESS when we’ve already introduced ourselves to everyone. i like giving myself reasons to bitch. keeps me going.
anyway. starting a new class. was looking forward to it. until i saw that i have to write a narrative essay about..ready? it’s so cool…BEING IN COLLEGE. fucking brilliant, fake college! brilliant!
got over the genius assignments and went to the….
there was nothing on the first two pages…that i haven’t seen 4 times already. but then, there, at the very bottom of the 3rd page, i won. i won so hard.
he will probably disappear with the “brown, james” from my last class. but…oh, fake college, i am so onto you.
yessss.
