there is so much proof that today doesn’t even exist.
my eyes still being painfully and generally red and deathy, a ridiculous line of offline IMs, phone calls all up and down the night and very little sleep, some more ridiculousness on myspace… school work due. there’s the doom. there is shit due today. if it is thursday, that is. and i am not sure i can bring myself to show my font at school again. or admit that it is thursday. what happened to wednesday?
well. at least i learned something. i’m not allowed to like boys. even if they are sweetheart darlings. who say i’m pretty. and make beer taste good. and are generous, nice, smart, and wonderful with hugs. it’s just time to accept that i am stuck with something else. and that it will never be about me. i just play the crazy like a good girl.
right. so. fake college. sometime before falling into bed surrounded by kids’ toys after sweetheart darling left and walking outside towards the sun and my dad growling “YOU LOOK FUCKED UP”…i wrote and posted my introduction for class. it’s bad. i want to deny that i posted it. apologize…say someone hijacked my shit. but i can’t. so i’m ignoring it instead. and plan on kicking ass with the rest of my writing. it’s the only solution i can think of. maybe my fake classmates will understand that it was good, worth it. and that i’m young. i need to grab fun when i can. even if shit’s due at the same time.
now things go back to real.
